werds n that

Who am I and other questions?
March 28, 2012, 4:37 am
Filed under: rants | Tags: , ,

We are all one organism reflecting on itself. We are all born of nature even if we don’t feel natural at all. We are all interconnected with the fabric of life through the food we eat and air we breathe and the sun we rejoice in and the children we raise and the battles we fight. We are all transmuting the other all the time, hopefully we are aiming to change the other in the best that they want to be so that they may do the same for you in return. To encourage and never discourage, to raise up rather than tie down to celebrate the other as ourselves, to celebrate ourselves as readily as we celebrate the other.

You see I know I am this one being walking around this world and loving it most heartily, tasting every moment, noticing that there are no ordinary moments and that the Universe is vast and mysterious. I know I am only one but we are all human and we all share fears and frailties and friendliness that betrays our distrust of the other. I know that I am only one but we are more similar than you might realise, despite that we look a little different, or sound a little different or think a little different.

You see I am only one of me, but there are billions of me’s on this planet of ours and we all want the same things, at least 99% of us do anyway, we want growth, happiness, peace, love, adventure, fun, laughter, lots of laughter, to do what we love and love what we do. If I am wrong about those things then tell me otherwise, but I’ll ignore you because you don’t get what I’m saying at all. If you don’t want those things for yourself or another then you want their opposites, that is constriction, misery, hate, boredom, more boredom, tears, lots of tears. If you want those things for yourself and everyone else then I want nothing to do with you, oh you’re entitled to your opinion but I think we should just go our own way.

If on the other hand you are like me at least in some regard, then send me a message, send me a song, send me nothing more than your begrudging acknowledgement that you want those things and you haven’t got all of them as yet. Then ask yourself why not? Perhaps it’s because we all fail to answer the most important question there is “Who am I?” Go ahead, ask yourself and keep asking it until you get an answer that doesn’t move around, or that makes some kind of sense. Keep asking it till you go mad and maybe then you can become sane and get all of those things no matter what the world throws at you.


We will not stop! Love will not stop!
February 25, 2012, 7:22 am
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We will not stop! Love will not stop! How do I know such things? Because if it was not so I would not be here, these fingers would not dance across the keyboard to speak out to the world for nothing more than a need to express truth, to encourage life to continue and continue with song and optimism and joy. A long time ago a woman grew a child inside of her, it was uncomfortable, it was painful and inconvenient but she did it anyway, why I don’t know because I don’t have a uterus but I know that her suffering resulted in me and despite my misgivings about being born I am most eternally greatful that I am here, in this world with all of you, all of you who read these words, even if you never read these words. You see what she was doing was defying the dying universe. She was was bringing light out of the darkness, that is what all mothers do and and we can all be mothers we can all bring out the light, we can insist that we keep our babies safe and warm until they are strong enough to stand and speak and love all on their own. Those babies may be beautiful delicate and real with tiny toes or they may be poems or songs or inventions or paintings or anything else we choose to risk everything for. I talk and we all talk about how bad the world is, how corrupt and dark and horrible it is but that is not really what I believe and it is not how the world actually is. All life, everything, is an expression of love and defiance and strength and trust. Love is to Live with a different vowel.

We will not stop! Love will not stop! This is what fear and its followers cannot grasp or understand, that no matter what we suffer, no matter what we endure, life in all its glory and beauty will never give in, it will never stop wishing and hoping for more, it will never stop crying and singing into the night for more love, more time, more beauty, more truth. Fear is restrictive, Love is expansive. Fear and control deprives while the mother of us all and the mother of the earth feeds us although she almost bursts. She, The Great Eternal Mother strokes her beautiful smooth belly and whispers encouragement to the sparkling gem of creation inside of her. No matter what we throw at her she will always love her baby, she will fight tooth and nail, she will die to see something new and innocent grow. How can such devotion ever be defeated? Even if you throw all the products of war at her, she breeds an army for eternity. Have no fear brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers because that dark and lonely 1 percent can never rule a Universe built from Love. Love is the Will that lifts dirt towards the stars and it will never ever, ever, ever, ever stop.

February 25, 2012, 6:42 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Well this article gives me some serious relief about why I haven’t finished, editied and published my novel yet. I’ve still written a fair chunk and I have published a fair amount of poetry but it’s hard, it really is, especially when after years of writing, research, self-searching and more you realise it isn’t upto scratch and you’re going to have to start again. Still I will continue as I am now way too old to be anything else.


From the e-mail pile today:

Whenever I hear about a “new” novelist, they turn out to be in their 30s. Why is that? It seems like you hear about new musicians and actors and other creative people in when they are in their 20s.

Excellent question. Leaving aside the mechanics of why it pays to be young in the music and acting industries, here’s what’s up with those old new novelists:

1. Writing an entire novel is something most people have to work up to. Because you know what? Writing sixty to one hundred thousand words of fiction is not something most people cannonball through, even if they assure you, with the appropriate amount of false modesty, that they’re really better at long-form fiction. Maybe they are, but they still had a long walk to get there.  I’m better at long-form and it took me until I was 28 before…

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Was my true love hit by a bus?
February 25, 2012, 4:23 am
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We are all in this complex mess called life together of that I am sure we can all agree, that wherever we are coming from in our hearts, if we have hearts, is a place of wanting to be happy, wanting to be loved, but we have been hurt and hindered by the heartless and our own heartlessness that we cannot trust, that we cannot believe that love could exist, that to hope for it would be foolish, that to believe in something real and eternal in this fucked up craziness of human relationship’s is impossible.

Still I don´t believe that to be the case, love after all is all we have ever been seeking, we may build bridges to serve a function but we are driven by the urge to be seen, to be respected and of course to do good to others, we all want to see and portray ourselves in our best light but that is often so fragile, so weak that we don believe it is sufficient to see our beloved in the gloom of the world.

I may never taste your lips again but as our friends, the physicists know, matter is eternally intertwined like balls of string stretching across the infinity of the universe, every atom of ours that has ever touched, is forever connected and literally moved instantly corresponding to the other, this is not science fiction, this is the current reality of our universe as our best knowledge of subatomic physics tells us, so even physicists in their searching have found love and an eternal one at that.

Though what does this console us in the dark nights of winter? We cannot hold and kiss and laugh with atoms. We want to know how to find the true one that we love, that one may well have been hit by a bus, but, they were out there. We want to find our other, our complimentary particle, our harmony, our straight or funny man or woman, our friend.

You all want to find them and hold them and never let them go and never make any stupid mistakes ever again but we will, of course because we’re human, but what if you found them and you were already perfect and complete without them? That’s impossible, you say and I think it might just be, if not impossible, incredibly undesirable, love after all is a dance, a poem, it needs polarities, so it can roll against itself, it needs counterpoint, it needs the thing that seems in such short supply, that is, grace. I have had it poured on me at times in my life and felt alive but I want to live in grace and I think the only time I have ever felt it for any length of time was with someone close to me and the way they looked at me and the way I looked at them.

So assuming they have not, been hit by a bus and are out there, how do we know who they are when we meet them? Perhaps they should develop an app for that, but fuck that, we know and it surges and burns in us and keeps our eyes from closing so we don´t miss a single thing.
The powers surge around us all, great vast powers of time and space and coincidence and chance and evolution and myths and gods that speak over our shoulders. What does it whisper in our ear? That we are lost and all is hopeless in our restless search for love or that everything is fine and that love can never be found because it was never lost, just mislaid. That it is everywhere, obvious, right out there in the open. But some of you seem to show it more than others and I want to talk to you in particular, so leave a message after the tone.

Christmas on The Street of Flowers
January 4, 2012, 2:55 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

In a strange land, with hidden places, towering buildings bundled one on top of the other, organic, growing from river to the sky, the streets outside are mostly quiet but I can’t be certain of that because I have barely left the house, left the bed where I have found many a splendid distraction, many a succulent excuse to not open the shutters, but life flows everywhere here in Porto, it penetrates the walls, life seeps into the ground, it hangs from windows and calls from roof tops.  I can catch a glimpse of the city in the summer or the spring, people moving slowly, languidly through the streets, hot with days of sunshine, the warm nights, the lights.

I woke up on Christmas morning, to lots of splendid gifts so I must have been a good boy this year, Santa hadn’t visited due to the apartment lacking a chimney but I’m not too bothered I don’t really need a wooden toy train set or even an iphone.  I have all that I need in my head, my hands and my heart.  I carry myself away from things because things will always carry themselves away from me.  I prefer skills, wisdom, knowledge about how I, others and the universe works.  This cannot be lost, not even in the timelessness beyond time.  What we know and experience and feel and think is transmuted into the eternal, so choose your thoughts wisely or more wisely than I have done at times.

Do I write about private moments that happen beneath blankets?  No somethings are not for the page but are secret treasures of the mind, they’re not for translation into words, words are after all the least effective form of communication and yet I am forced by my own inclinations and powers to use words to explode the myth of words.  I use twentysixletterspureandclear to expose that twentysixletters can never truly describe, detail, document or destroy the majesty of existence, of a raging universe filled with splendor, of time and space.  These words can’t express the fundamental joy of love, they can’t laugh with you, they can never hold you, they can’t eat with you, they can’t celebrate and commiserate with you.  Words are just that, words, they are at the moment our best way of communicating our unique, personal, human experience.  Though remember this, they are not and never have been life.

back in the … back in the … back in the boro…
December 15, 2009, 4:48 pm
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well it has been maybe three weeks since getting back to my home town, the boro.  the place that forged me from steel and coal and PCP’s and psychedelics.  that toughened me up and tickled me silly.  i’ve returned from distant sun-kissed shores, pacific paradises at the end of the world.  where the sun shines all day though people don’t seem much happier for it.  whereas here, where now the skies are leaden with cloud and  many look a lighter shade of grey, i still find people amusing me more than anyone i’ve met in my years on the road.  a friend called it gallows humour, i don’t know if that’s true or just that we genuinely do see the funny side of life.

you see so many, many people are taking life so very, very seriously and that is just a crime.  a crime i have committed at times but i’m reformed now precisely because what’s the point?  i mean to be cliched,  ‘nobody gets out alive anyway’, ‘tomorrow will take care of itself’, ‘live for the moment’, carpe beerem.

while away over the years, everyone seems to have produced miniature humans that are completely hilarious, adorable, confident, free, natural anarchists.  running around defying the man’s rules and the only thing i lament (only slightly) is that we tell them not to pick their nose, or say rude words, like fuck and fanny (which to me are beautiful, wonderful words) but would be very impressed if they said fascism or fiscal futures (when in fact these are wholly nasty words).

so i’m back on the blog and because i’ve decided that i’m gonna be good for nothing else soon i better get my arse into gear and start writing for a living.  anyone need any words writing?  £1 for a hundred and fifty! i can do you a bloody good cover letter (if you do insist on applying for jobs).  i can write a poem for that bird you’re trying to impress and undress (£25 to pay for my shushed conscience).  perhaps you want some jingle for your re-launching of geordie jeans?  whatever your word needs i can deliver.  so long as it doesn’t promote the following; war, segregation, separation, annihilation, mutilation, killing, bullying or badgering.

quotes available upon request.  work delivered when the pub receives payment.

save the human
April 10, 2009, 6:22 am
Filed under: contemporary, jokes, poems, rants, sci-fi, stories | Tags: , , , , , , ,

well here it is, i have since expanded my compassion with my actions. i have determined for myself, through my own logic, intuition, reason and love that i will be a vegan. i have for over a year now been a vegetarian because of moral, spiritual, practical and ecological reasons.  because life is indeed precious, because i no longer wished to destroy animals of complexity.  because i couldn’t bear to participate in the destruction of animals with hearts and minds, with fears and joys, however simple.

the process has been rewarding for me. i have grown in so many ways, i have become more conscious of what i do with my food, with my hands, with my money. i have developed a greater reverence for life and isn’t this a good thing?  surely it is a good thing.  we all like to say we’re in favour of life, that death is bad and yet daily we participate in unnatural death, in killing.  just because someone does the act does not remove us from the process.  we can’t deny responsibility, our hands earn our wage and wage pays the hands of another to do the acts we could never bring ourselves to do.

ask yourself if you are at all repulsed at the thought of killing an animal bigger than an insect.  there is a reason for that, we intuitively, compassionately know that killing is wrong. if you don’t believe me, then imagine your child, or having a child or imagine yourself as a child and they or you sit in a restaurant with your family and your parents ask what you want.  a child orders lamb and moments later a lamb is led into the room, the child is offered a sledge hammer and then must bring it down.  how do you think they or more importantly you would do at that, as a child?  i don’t mean to get all graphic and vegefantic, it’s just the thoughts that i’ve been having of late.  no judgement, we each make our chocies.

at present i work in a cafe, nestled on a lake, it is so beautiful it hurts.  the sun glinting off the water, the birds all around, families and couples enjoying drinks in the autumn sunlight.  it’s all so civilised, so picturesque but i’m witness to all the behind the scenes and because i am commited to a life without killing for food when not needed i can see the hypocrisy.  i can see people order duck while ducks swim serenely by.  i see people order the fry-up, that would have been me not so very long ago, they appear pasty, dead and dying themselves.

so i deliver these plates all arranged with culinary flair to whetted lips and know that i can never do this again.  that i cannot even participate in this any longer. though i do because almost daily i am asked what the chicken livers or the steak sanga is like and i gently inform them that i don’t know, i’m a vegetarian.  they often seem interested, they often crack jokes, they often ask questions.  everyone it seems wants to know, so why are you a vegetarian?  i never ask the question back at them.  why are you a meat eater?  instead i give my reasons, i do so calmly, i crack jokes, i’m as honest as i can be about the process, about the difficulties, about my liking of the taste of certain things.  i think people need a stronger reason to daily consume living things than “i like the taste.”  what if i like the taste of kittens?  can i eat them with impunity?  can i bite their little fluffy heads off near a play park as people do to duck in the cafe, while kids feed donald and co. nearby?  most people would say no, but why, why the double standard?  why only some animals.  life is life is life.  you either value it or you don’t.

i’m preaching but that’s just as much to me as anyone else.  i’m trying to understand my own feelings, my own motives. now this new venture into the process.  no more dairy, nor milk, or butter, or eggs, no honey.  no wonderful delicious cheese.  i think i might miss that one but there are other cheeses which don’t require animal suffering or give me cancer of the everything.  still despite the difficulties i feel so good about my decision.  i feel lighter, i feel simpler, i feel more at peace if that’s possible.  i feel that through my actions, however small, i can make a difference in the world.  that i can reduce the collective suffering of this planet in some small way.  this was shown in such a small way in that another waitress after spraying some wasps apologised to me.  my action had triggered a doubt in her mind about her action.  i didn’t scowl, or tell her off, it was her decision.  i’m not about to judge, wasps after all, fucking annoying.  still they’re life and i don’t get to choose what lives and what dies.  i don’t think anyone should and if it’s needed to save your life then maybe and with a prayer and with gratitude and with much reverence.

there are so many other reasons to change to a life without killing.  you can truly save the planet.  as this video testifies.

Save The Human! “Don’t Eat The Planet” Music Video

there are so many health reasons too and i guarantee it’s not that hard and you’re not giving anything that amazing up.  i barely notice it anymore.  then someone or something reminds and i know i made a difference to that one animal, or that one.  i allowed life to be.  i allowed love. i allowed something that, like me, seeks life, growth, health, sustenance and joy in this miracle of existence to do just that and all i had to do was nothing.